# 1

(written Oct 27th, 2009; almost midnight)

dear journal,

today, after having had the thought in my mind for weeks, maybe months, i read about Mormons. and i even requested a copy of their Book. [...] i've thought about maybe going to one of their Sunday meetings, to listen and learn more about them. who knows? maybe i'll find what i'm looking for there.

a while ago, i read about Buddhism, but now i know that that wasn't for me. i've always believed in Jesus and God, but i think i need to be reminded of them now.
that's why i choose to try the Mormon Church. i find sense in what they believe. [...]

i was never really that close to Him, anyway. better late than never.

i also choose to "feel instead of to over think", like i heard somewhere.

i wonder what my Mum will think about this, i just hope she doesn't laugh at me. she's not a religious person, but i know that if i can find peace, i'll make sure to help her find it too. she deserves it.

i also wonder what my granny Tuki will say. she's a true believer, but from a different church. somehow i know she'll support me, no matter what.

i still don't know what i'm looking for here.

i think it's just reassuramce that it'll all be ok. the little push i need.

we'll see how it goes.

love, ella